Assertiveness is all about your rights and other people’s rights as well. Developing one’s assertiveness depends very much on one’s ability to express these rights, in speech, in text and through appropriate non-verbal communication. In developing our assertiveness we will often have to be prepared to negotiate our rights to balance these with those of others.
It is widely thought that (and this is not an official study or survey done just a very rough estimate) that 85% of people on the planet are Passive and 10% are aggressive and only 5 % are assertive.
Lets look at the major characteristics of each communication style to get a better picture
-His Mission is to Please others
-Need to be Liked by others
-Eye Contact - Poor
-Has Little or No Opinion
-Pretends Things Are Fine
-Avoids Confrontation as much as possible
-Hint about what they want and do not say it directly
-His greatest fear is - Never Getting What he Wants
Aggressive individuals are essentially selfish. They know what they want and like, and disregard the needs of others in satisfying their own needs.
Aggressive people think of themselves as superior beings. They think they are OK and the rest of the world is not. They voice their opinions and needs, and behave as if others do not matter.
-Their mission is to Control
-Need to be Right
-Eye Contact - Stare
-Nothings Ever Good Enough
-Thrives on Confrontation
-Demand rather than say please when asking for something
-Their greatest fear is - To Be Found Out
Passive- Agressive behavior:
Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. Sometimes a method of dealing with stress or frustration, it results in the person attacking other people in subtle, indirect, and seemingly passive ways. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or intentional failure at doing requested tasks.
Passive-Agressive people want to get even and use trickery,seduction, and manipulation to get their way. Usually not as open as aggressive types, those who are passive-aggressive are often nice to your face and use behind-the-back techniques to get even. They attempt to gain control or get their way by using silent treatment, withdrawing affection and attention, gossiping, tattling, and refusing to cooperate. When asked what is wrong, they often say, “oh, nothing,” even though their body language or their behavior is clearly stating that there is something wrong.
-Great Eye Contact
-Congruent ( What's said is confirmed and supported by body language and also congruent by always delivering on promises)
-Sees the Real Person
-Proactive & Fearless
-On Time & Thorough
-Focus on Facts & Listens
-Gather Info Not Evidence
-Confident & Accountable
-Humble & Appreciative
-State what they Want
-State what they Need
The assertive person is likely to look the other person in the eye, not by staring the other person out, which is very typical of the behaviour of the aggressive person, but by having a generally confident degree of eye contact. This is very important when it comes to interviewing and being interviewed. Sit or stand in a way that gives off a confident impression, i.e. not slouching or standing erect but in a comfortable but confident posture. This again is important in interviews. Speak in an audible fashion. Passive people tend to mumble, that’s one very good reason why they are perceived as passive. Aggressive people tend to dominate by letting the whole room know they’re there, Assertive people in many occasions repeat their message several times until it is acknowledged or appreciated.
THE ASSERTIVE BODY LANGUAGE
● High eye contact
Speech and Voice:
● Well moderated
● Not strained
● Hands not raised above elbow
● Parallel shoulders
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