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Conflict resolution - Influencing - Negotiation

Negotiating - Dealing with conflict
If two drivers meet in a narrow lane and neither will back up, the situation can easily develop into conflict.


Resolve conflict now
Conflict is a fact of life, it is inevitable, no matter who you are, what you do, we all encounter conflict situations either inside or outside the workplace there is no running or hiding from this fact.


Cost vs potential benefits of conflict
A condition between or among workers whose jobs are interdependent, who feel angry, who perceive the other(s) as being at fault, and who act in ways that cause a business problem is one of the definitions of workplace conflict.


Reacting to conflict
People respond differently to different conflict situations. Not only that but the same person can respond differently to each conflict situation he/she is faced with depending on the type of conflict , where the conflict is happening , the type of person whom he/she has the conflict with and whether it is a workplace conflict or a personal conflict with a family member or loved one.


Third party interventions: Mediation and Arbitration
Third party intervention is not uncommon, when a conflict that must be resolved somehow happens and all else fails then conflict resolution third party interventions are needed , this article explains mediation and arbitration as the two main third party intervention processes.


Why we avoid dealing with conflict
Nobody wants trouble, and when we see trouble coming around the corner most of us would rather cross the street and avoid it. But since conflict is part of our personal and professional life and all of us have either had to deal with conflict in the past and will probably face conflict in the future.


Essential Elements of a good resolution
For any proposed solution for a conflict situation to be good, solid and satisfies all parties and last over time, it needs to have specific qualities and must include the following attributes that must be given good consideration to ensure the proposed resolution is the correct way to go.


What not to say when resolving conflict
The language you use while working through the conflict resolution process has a great impact on the result it can actually either make or break the process.

 

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Negotiating is a part of everyday life. We negotiate in our work, with our friends, and even our family members. In this two day class, participants will learn what negotiation is and how to get the most from their personal negotiations.

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The 4 keys to influencing others
There are four major keys or components a manager must be aware of to successfully influence his/her subordinates and convince them why they must achieve a certain task or get something done specifically if there is some resistance to implementing the new ideas, this article gives an overview of the recommended process.


Influencing do's and dont's
A list of do's and don'ts of influencing others.


How to disagree agreeably
Being assertive means having your own views. Since others will also have their views, this means that occasionally there will be disagreements. Acquiescing or, the opposite, attacking, are not constructive responses.

how to disagree agereably and resolve conflict

To Communicate assertively means having your own views. Since others will also have their views, this means that occasionally there will be disagreements. Following a simple step-by-step process will help you put your case without getting emotional, losing your integrity or losing your respect for the other person.


The Process
1. Affirmative Statement
2. Softening Statement
3. Indicate Process
4. State Reasons
5. Disagree
6. Offer a compromise


1. The Affirmative Statement
This is simply saying ‘YES’. It might sound strange saying this when you are disagreeing. But if you say ‘NO’ the other person immediately goes into argument mode and is less likely to listen. You are using ‘yes’ to prepare them for what you are going to say, not to indicate that you agree with them.

2. The Softening Statement
Most people’s views are influenced by their background, experience or profession. You can show that you recognise this within the context of a softening statement. Here are some examples:-

● ‘As an engineer I can understand why you take such a position’

● ‘As someone much older than myself, with different values, I can understand where you come from’
● ‘As a man working in a traditional male environment and culture I can understand why you said that’
● ‘As a manager whose prime responsibility is for output I can understand your position makes a great deal of sense’

 

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3. Indicate Process
This explains to the person the process you will use to outline your position or your reasons for the stance that you have taken. Here are some examples:
● ‘If I may, I would like to say something about that ...’
● ‘Let me give you my reasons’
● ‘Can I tell you how I have arrived at my viewpoint ...?’
● ‘Let me outline briefly my position and the reasons for it ...’
If there is going to be any sensible discussion, the other person has to let you put your case. If they are not prepared to listen then you are wasting your time anyway, and it would be better to terminate the discussion immediately.

4. State Reasons
Here you simply give the reasons or justification for your position. This can either be done in a straightforward way, or you can give a balanced view of pros and cons, explaining why you have come down on the side that you have.

5. Do not apologise or use tentative language here.
Use the strongest language that you can, remembering to accompany what you have said with appropriate body language. Here are some examples:
● ‘So I cannot agree with you’
● ‘So I must disagree’
● ‘So I think you are mistaken’
The two letters of the adverb ‘so’ are exceptionally powerful because they make your conclusions ‘so’ logical and natural.

6. Compromise
This is optional, but helpful if there is little or no cost to you. However, your compromise should always be conditional on your getting what you want.

If two drivers meet in a narrow lane and neither will back up, the knowledge and skill required in such situation will be how to modify one or both of the drivers’ behaviour to resolve this conflict. Knowledge of the respective cubic capacities of engines and the political affiliations of the drivers will either be useless or of only marginal help. What is required is an effective intervention now by someone.

The intervention could be made by either driver or by the farmer who is leaning on the gate, in the role of a third party whose world may be de-stabilised by irrational disputants. The skills present in this trio will determine the ratio of twisted metal, high blood pressure and wasted energy to effective resolution. Either adversaries or third parties behave skilfully or they fail to resolve the situation.  They need the critical skill of coping with conflict.

If parties to a conflict at work see their needs as opposing goals, then in a manner of speaking they will not back up either. Someone needs to change someone’s behaviour to make progress, or to restructure the basic circumstances. If the lane can be widened, then both may pass. Or, more elegantly, if perceptions of the width and the value of joint action are seen, then perhaps both may pass – with due care and attention. At work, if options for mutual gain are identified, then people can see their mutual world in terms of overlapping circles, not opposite corners of an industrial boxing ring.

But, again, someone needs to deliberately and skilfully intervene. The farmer leaning on the gate in the industrial setting can be any intelligent and skilled participant or third party. It would be a manager, a representative, a worker, a personnel specialist, a trainer – we all can act. We are all part of the drama. Again, our skill must be pointed and intervention now (bearing in mind that skilled intervention includes knowing when not to intervene) and on an ongoing basis. Short and long term goals require choosing, ideas require developing and actions require execution.

The knowledge and experience that is of practical help in coping with conflict can be found in very different theatres of experience; international diplomacy, industrial relations, moulding public opinion and handling terrorism are four crucial ones. The point of reviewing successful practice in theatres of action such as these is to help us categorise strategies and tactics – to produce checklists of useful measures that can be taken right away.

 

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Life is full of situations where adversaries, colleagues, friends and relations will not back up or back down. The situations differ, of course, in important ways: the substance is different. International conflict may have proliferations of nuclear missiles on the agenda; arguments within the family may only have the choice of the summer holiday as the substantive issue. Intensity is another important dimension; the background climate can be one of détente or cold war.  The holiday discussed within the family can be matter of fact or an intense emotional battle due to peripheral or surrounding circumstances, like shortage of money or your spouse’s desire to bring mother-in-law along.


Both these and countless other situations are sharp moments in the process of living – moments of conflict, change and consequences – where events can escalate or be resolved. Whether the missile is fired or it is not. The holiday turns out well or it does not. See also  What not to say when resolving conflict . Any situation that leads to conflict can be destructive or constructive. It can drain energy or raise it.  Conflict can be uncontrolled or can be controlled. There can be too much conflict; there also can be too little of it. But the world around it shows there is little need to justify coping with conflict as a basic survival skill.

Influencing do's and dont's

Influencing ‘Do’s’

1. Put your main effort into trying to understand the other person. 90% of the time, influencing goes wrong because we put all our effort into expounding our own views.
2. Listen and show you are listening, by using the skills of summarising and clarifying.
3. Know yourself – understand how you appear to others: recognise your own unhelpful ‘hot-buttons’ and work on eliminating them.
4. Ask open questions and listen carefully to the answers.
5. Create authentic rapport with the other person by using appropriate body language.
6. Let people find their own solutions. Develop alternatives to giving out advice and Giving Feedback
7. Adopt an appropriate influencing style to the situation – don’t rely on your usual style of influencing.
8. Stay open to being influenced yourself. Ask for feedback and learn from it.
9. Act on the belief that you have the right to be heard and to say what you want - appropriately.
10. Create common ground through your enthusiasm and your focus on the positive.

 

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If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to create a complete sales plan for your store and a sales forecast.

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Influencing ‘Don’ts’

1. Start with a fixed position that you are determined to defend at all costs – ‘telling it like it is’.
2. Shout, yell, point or lose your temper.
3. Interrupt the other person with your own views.
4. Talk more than you listen.
5. Rely only on facts, logic and data as the most compelling part of your argument.
6. Be determined not to be influenced by the other person.
7. Make assumptions about the other person’s motives.
8. Neglect to ask for and act on feedback.
9. Give advice.
10. Leave other people to guess what you want.

 

 Adapted From ‘Influencing Skills – The Essential Guide to Thinking and Working Smarter’ by Jenny Rogers
ISBN 1-84028-202-9 Published - Marshall


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